With my own happy every after. Life is still in a kind of surreal state of suspended animation, which I guess it to be expected for my first week in a new country.
I still pinch myself a little when I wake up and see him lying next to me, or hear him in the shower, or get home and find him on the couch, like, I almost can’t believe he exists. At times during the three and a half months we were separated, I missed him so much that he almost was a physical presence by his absence… I don’t know if that makes any sense, but it’s the best way I can think of to describe it. So I am so used to him always being with me in a weird way that it kind of surprises me when I see that he actually is. I get a Christmas morning thrill that is twisted with a slight fear that I imagined him into life, and I get an urge to go up and poke him to make sure that he is real and he grumpily tells me to stop poking him, and I smile.
I think it’s all just a question of time. We’ll settle into regular life soon enough. I’ll get a job, start to build my own life, and feel like a real person again instead of this tripped out, sleepy ghost who flits around his apartment poking him and smiling.
As soon as he gets a day off we are going to go to the immigration office (and I think also the tax office? Kind of vague on the process) to, in his words “sign me in like a library book.” I told him that you sign library books out, not in, and he pointed out that no one uses libraries any more anyway and I felt like we’d kind of lost the metaphor. It’s stressing me out a little that we haven’t done this yet because I don’t know if there is a time limit and if they can deport me or anything in the meantime. Anders says no, and even if there is a time limit it is unlikely to be less than a week, but still I’ll be happier once I’m officially a Swedish library book.
Also, until I am registered with the tax office and have a social security number (it’s called a personnummer) I can’t do… pretty much anything. One awesome thing about Sweden is that they offer free Swedish lessons to new immigrants. I’m kind of nervous about studying again as it’s been a long time since I have been to school and I wasn’t so great at it back then, but I really have motivation to learn if I am going to make this my home. A lot of the people of Stockholm – in fact, everyone as far as I can tell – speak really great English, but I have heard that it is really difficult to get a job if you don’t speak Swedish, and my savings are only going to last so long.