So, on my first week anniversary in Sweden, we had a fight. Nice. One of those stupid, one minute you’re mildly annoyed at each other, one minute you’re screaming at each other, fights that I don’t even know exactly what it was about. Actually, I do. It was about the fact that I have done this giant thing, given up my life and moved halfway across the world where I don’t know anyone, can’t speak the language, have no idea how to do anything, and he… we he now makes two cups of coffee when he wakes up instead of one, so I guess we can all understand how he has been suffering.
No, I’m being unreasonable. H also has this grouch, bewildered, crazy person suddenly living in his apartment (which let’s not forget is also the size of a shoebox). He has an incredibly intense, emotionally draining job and when he – finally – gets home, he wants – actually he needs – to zonk out for a while, and not have me practically tugging on his arm going “Play with me! Talk to me! Take me walkies!”
So I get it. And I’m an adult, this is hardly the first relationship I’ve been in, of course we’re going to have some troubled waters during this adjustment period. I need to keep reminding myself that it’s just been a week. In a weird way, it’s like a barrier came down and even though I’m not exactly settled in yet, I can’t remember ever having a life that’s not this.
But then, shouldn’t we be in the honeymoon period right now? Shouldn’t he be dashing home excited to take me in his arms? Shouldn’t this be the best, most blissfully in love, starting our lives together time that we’ll look on fondly in years to come and marvel at how wrapped up in each other we were? Or have I watched too many movies and this is reality? Or, do we need to negotiate our way through the adjustment period and then we’ll get to the honeymoon period?
Or, do I just need to take a breath and stop overthinking everything?
Overthinking is something that I do anyway (is ther anyone that doesn’t?) Because of stuff that happened to me as a kid, I’m no stranger to therapy and so it’s become habit to analyze every emotional state to death, and I feel like I need to get better at mindfulness, at being in the moment and dealing with the actual reality that is in front of me moment by moment, rather than intellectualizing everything and looking for deeper meanings and hidden warnings.
It’s hard though, when the states are so high right now. Home is a long way away and I don’t have a girlfriend to go cry to when things get tough, who will give me a glass of wine and tell me to chill the F out, so it’s difficult to keep a little fight in perspective. But I must. It was two tired, grouchy people letting off steam.