I might be getting worried. I don’t know, I’m confused, I’m not exactly sure how I feel.
Like I said before, I never asked about his previous relationships until now. I’m not a big “need to know everything” kind of girlfriend; I generally find that relevant information comes up organically as you get to know each other, I’ve never felt the need to interrogate. I guess though, I’ve been dating Americans, who – of course I’m generalizing here – tend to be pretty open with their ‘stories’. Swedes are clearly more circumspect as a rule, and I’ve known for some time that my Viking would rather eat his own toes than over share. Or, in fact, share.
Which is kind of okay. Our connection was so instant and so deep that there is no question in my mind that a resume of the highlights of his life up until that night on the beach in Koh Phangan would make any difference either way. In fact, the sales pitch that many early dates entail bugs me if anything, so the fact that the Viking just looked into my eyes and quietly kidded around with me was one of the many things that convinced me he was unique and special.
But there’s a difference between being reserved and discreet, and being secretive.
The Viking wouldn’t tell me anything about his past relationships.
He deflected, he hedged, he changed the subject, and finally it was like trying to get a toddler to eat something green: he pretty much sealed his mouth shut and shook his head wildly.
I tried to explain that I wasn’t being jealous or prying because I worried he was still in love with an ex or something, but of course the more I tried to say that, the more I’m sure I sounded exactly like that. He told me that “Swedes don’t talk about that stuff”, and I shot back that they have pretty dysfunctional relationships then, because it’s not realistic to act like we were pristine virgins who didn’t live until we met each other.
Except it didn’t come out quite like that, and we were verging on a fight and I just didn’t have the energy and so I backed down and things are fine between us… except I’m worried. Is it really that he has some pathological need not to discuss anything personal? Or is he actually keeping some kind of secret? He can’t have all his ex girlfriends buried in our back yard because we live in an apartment, so what could be so bad that he will not so much as say, “I had one relationship of X years, and another shorter one in my late 20s…” or whatever. It’s not like I’m asking for their social security numbers and bra sizes.
Or is this actually a Swedish thing and I am sitting here worrying about a simple cultural misunderstanding?