“I was so angry with him.
He was there when my first girlfriend cheated on me and he saw how it tore me apart, and we always said that it was the worst thing you could do, that we would never, ever cheat on anybody.”
Anders hunches over, like he is so drained, so exhausted, that his bones have gone weak and he can barely support his own head. His eyes are dull, his eyes stricken, and I’m scared. I don’t want to be here, I’m so in over my head. I can’t help, I don’t know how to deal with this horribleness. This isn’t what I signed up for.
“I wanted him to deny it, to explain why Ida got mixed up, or she lied, how Tove misunderstood — when I arrived a the apartment I was almost happy because I had convinced myself I was about to laugh with him that anyone could believe something so stupid.”
He runs a shaky hand over his stubbly chin and I notice that there is still the tiniest smudge of blood on his finger. A wave of horror washes over me and I grab his hand, partly so he won’t see the blood, and partly to have something to hold onto so that won’t drown. I find myself stroking his hand, running my finger over the callouses, and there is a weird comfort in the action. He stares into space a long while before continuing, and I’m suddenly aware of my own heartbeat filling my ears. I put my thumb on his wrist and I can feel his pulse. We are both alive.
“He didn’t answer his phone all day, and so I went to their apartment to talk to him. I took their key so that if he wasn’t home I could just wait. We used to do that all the time.
Before Tove moved in, we used to say were roommates four blocks apart, I would get home and he would be in the kitchen eating my food or if I remembered he borrowed something I would just go and get it.
One time I finished my shift at maybe three in the morning, and he had a DVD of mine I wanted to watch. I unlocked the door and walked across to where I knew it would be in the darkness and I was so tired I didn’t notice until I was almost back out the door again that he was there, on the couch, with a girl. They were both staring at me, this very bold and specific thief, and I saluted them and wished them good luck. Daniel told me the next day he tried to convince her she had a hallucination because he was so good in bed.”
He flinches and closes his eyes.
“It’s such a cliché that I thought he was sleeping. I saw him sprawled on the floor and I thought he was so wracked with guilt that he lay down on the floor, and I was angry because I knew that there wasn’t an explanation, that he was destroyed because of what he did to Tove, and I went to him and I shook him. That’s when the blood –”
He breaks off, he is actually gasping for breath as the memory hits him. I rub his back, bury my face in his shoulder. “I’m here.” I whisper.
“The police lectured me for disturbing the body. They kept asking why, saying didn’t I understand what I had done?”
He turns to look at me, and I almost shrink back from the horror in his eyes. “I was just trying to wake him up.”
October 7, 2013 at 8:46 am
Innocent or not, Anders will definitely be in the frame now. And Regan still has unshakeable belief in his innocence. I would begin to wonder, after such a whirlwind romance and decision to up sticks and move countries, just how well you can really know someone.
But relax Frida, I don’t think he did it.
October 7, 2013 at 1:00 pm
I think she knows him well enough to have faith in him! Even I see Anders is not helping himself here, but I understand why. I think if I found the body of someone I loved I wouldn’t think about the crime scene, nobody is so together when something like that happens.
October 14, 2013 at 5:09 am
Yup, Still team Anders. At least he’s a alive!
October 7, 2013 at 3:43 pm
Regan please delete this blog.
October 8, 2013 at 8:27 am
I don’t understand?
October 8, 2013 at 9:26 am
No, she doesn’t understand. She’s not helping Anders or herself.
October 8, 2013 at 8:36 pm
You know this is fiction?
October 10, 2013 at 1:05 pm
I wish it was.
October 14, 2013 at 5:10 am
No, E, it has been disclosed as fiction by the author…
October 15, 2013 at 9:25 am
I remembered this comment when I read today’s post… E, are you Malin?!
October 14, 2013 at 5:14 am
Ok, I feel kind of bad LOLing in this chapter but that story of Anders just wandering past Daniel and a girl going at it on the couch is HILARIOUS. I’m surprised Anders didnt join them. Also, I really really want to know more about how/why Daniel cheated on Tove.
October 14, 2013 at 9:09 am
I know, I love these little side stories into their lives… Makes it sadder when they die though!!
October 14, 2013 at 12:30 pm
A threesome didn’t even cross my mind 🙂
October 14, 2013 at 12:31 pm
You need to broaden your mental horizons. I am already there.
October 14, 2013 at 5:51 pm
Taking off my dog collar right now.
October 14, 2013 at 6:12 pm
Good grief what have I started here… 😉
October 14, 2013 at 6:14 pm
Well, that’s what you get when you put me in room with two hot Swedes. By me I mean ‘that girl on a couch’. And by ‘room’ I mean ‘my mental room.’ Unless you have two hot Swedes laying (hehe) around? 😀
October 14, 2013 at 6:22 pm
I knew I forgot to mention that that girl was Russian!
October 14, 2013 at 6:23 pm
WHOA OUCH! Well, MY sexual liberation is all American 😛
October 14, 2013 at 6:52 pm
I thought you’d be pleased – Daniel is hot!!
October 14, 2013 at 6:54 pm
Well, I have been crushing on Anders since day 1 (at least the guilt is gone now :-P)
October 14, 2013 at 7:13 pm
Me too.
That’s weird. I know that. But it doesn’t stop me…
October 14, 2013 at 8:45 pm
Well I liked Abba Girl but you went and killed her off. But left Man In Trunks A Million Times Too Small (or something like that) still swanning around unharmed. Your male audience needs a bit of balance:)
October 14, 2013 at 9:00 pm
Well the female audience was into the Abba Girl too, and not at ALL into the ‘trunks’ guy – even if there was a Fassbender in them – but is also rather curious about the farm boy…
October 14, 2013 at 9:13 pm
How quickly this is descending into Fifty Shades of Swede.
Don’t worry Claire, we are still trying to come up with the killer too 🙂
October 14, 2013 at 9:15 pm
Hannah, Farm Boy, SAG. Top suspects.
And it’s Claire’s fault for making this about HOT SWEDES. If she wanted it to be all about substance, she should have set it in Russia.